Aside from living next door to the irrepressible Tony Westbrook (see Tony’s story), and being the kind of person that instinctively says ‘yes’ to madcap challenges, I’ve also got a personal reason for becoming one of the Peaky Minders. Surprisingly (not least to me!) this only came fully into focus after I had signed-up to take part.
A naturally optimistic person, I will invariably (and often unthinkingly) reply,
‘I’m great thanks, how are you’ if someone asks me how I’m doing.
It only dawned on me recently that, although this can be a useful strategy sometimes, it also represents a form of self-denial when you aren’t actually firing on all cylinders.
2015-2019: The best of times, and the worst of times…
Reflecting now, the innocuous decision my wife and I took to move home back in 2015 seemed to release the handbrake on a rollercoaster four-year period for us. Having got married the year before, and both still acclimatising to our early thirties, we excitedly put our home in Nottingham on the market. Dreams of country walks ending at a village pub, saw us move into a friend’s flat while we waited for a potential ‘forever home’ to come along.
Finding ourselves temporarily living in a new area with most of our possessions in storage, and seeing less of the close friends we’d grown-up with over the previous nine years, also coincided with both our careers taking-off. Where once we’d lived for our weekends, every moment felt consumed by work, house-hunting and mortgage applications. After several false starts we felt sure we’d found ‘the one’, and eagerly awaited homebuyer survey results ahead of exchanging contracts. Things were looking up, and we were excited to be thinking about provisional moving dates to escape the growing sense of isolation mixed with cabin fever that we’d begun to experience.
As the Alanis Morrissette song goes though,
‘Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, when you think everything's okay and everything's going right’.
In the space of one October week things changed quite dramatically. First, I was involved in a pretty serious bike crash when riding home from work, and then five days later the seller of our dream home abruptly changed their mind and took the house off the market. While Laura and I begrudgingly downloaded the Rightmove app once again, and set about overcoming the disappointment of a third house purchase falling through in the space of 10 months, the physical and mental injuries I experienced from the bike crash would take longer to heal.
Badly torn shoulder muscles and strained tendons took 5 months of rehab to rebuild and strengthen; meaning no sport, no cycling to work, and very few of the health benefits I previously took for granted as part of my active lifestyle. By no means the end of the world though and, ever-the-optimist, I cheerfully told anyone who asked that I’d got away lightly; ‘It could have been worse’.
In truth, the concussion I experienced as a result of a head injury from the crash was deeply worrying and took almost 9 months to abate. Even now, approaching four years later, there are odd days that I’m not 100% sure it doesn’t impair my cognitive function to some degree.
Normally reasonably sharp and decisive (except after a beer!), I initially put my mental sluggishness and inability to remember basic words or conversations down to the strong painkillers I was prescribed to help me recuperate. It was only when I checked over my bike (surprisingly not too mangled) and helmet (cracked, almost into two pieces) that the force of the collision really hit home.
I’ve never been one to get emotional, but sitting alone at home while Laura was at work I found myself crying upon realising just how lucky I’d been. Without the helmet, that crack would likely have been to my skull…
Fast forward a few years and Laura and I are now living in the home we set out to find as newlyweds, having settled into a lovely village and made a fantastic group of supportive friends. Aside from spending all our spare time renovating (or, in some places partially rebuilding!) our antiquated new abode, we’ve also continued juggling increasingly demanding jobs and work responsibilities. As for many people, doing so involves trying to balance the ‘ever-connected/seldom present’ nature of the smartphone-enabled world that many of us now inhabit.
Most recently, we have also been rallying around a close relative as they battle a rare form of life-threatening Cancer – the diagnosis of which caught us all off-guard in December 2018. It is only thanks to the miracles of modern medicine, and the excellent care of the NHS, that they hope to join the Peaky Minders to boost everyone’s spirits ahead of one of the mountain climbs.
I’m OK, are you OK?
The reason for sharing my story is not to seek sympathy, but simply to highlight how pretty much everyone experiences challenges in their daily lives yet so few of us elect to talk openly about them. No single one event or issue caused my wife or I to experience periods of dark moods or disconsolation but, looking back now, I have no doubt that an accumulation of everyday worries and burdens we didn’t have the tools to cope with steered us both into the doldrums at times.
We are incredibly lucky to have each other, and a great support network of friends, to help us through tricky periods. Even so, I can’t help thinking that now when people ask me ‘How are you?’ I’ll give them a more honest answer.
The work Heads Together and the 401 Foundation do to get people talking about their own mental health, and empowering them to better support their friends and family, has really opened my eyes to the topics of wellbeing and mindfulness. Taking on the Peaky Minders challenge to help raise money for these great charities feels like the least I can do in return.
Thank you to Neil for sharing his story
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